Wallpaper

Working in a place where it is full of people from various cultures and ages, the weirdest thing perhaps is to hang out with them. The only way to bond is by sharing work gossip, bitching about people, and just talk about the shit customers we get.
But i realized that when it comes to me, the people don't know shit. I'm too closed up, pent up with so many thoughts and insecurities I just want to distract them from my personal life. My thoughts.
And maybe that's both good and bad
It's good because I have my life to myself. When it comes to rumours people can't say shit
When it comes to knowing me they just know me from the outside
They don't know how I think
How I function
And my fears

Yet it's bad when im out with a group of work mares and they talk about themselves and such...and I'm too afraid to share my part.
I feel like a piece if wallpaper that's never been looked at in other words
And maybe sometimes
I want to be a an art decor that attract some looks at least and be talked about
Maybe I want to be given attention too

But it's so hard to admit I need it
I crave it so much

With my closest friend on holiday, I try my best not to disturb her, not to message her too much.
But it's so hard
Because I'm so used to having her on the other end always listening to my rants.. to my fears, and just being me with her.
This is why I always isolated myself.
Because I was too afraid of being a bit dependent on anyone

And now
When she's gone
I can't even tell her I do miss her
She's the total opposite of me. Shes having fun, she has her group of friends and its cool.

Maybe this is why I should just be a wallpaper instead always.




I'm just lonely.
Too lonely






-3A.M