The funeral

His body was burnt and his ashes were released to the wind as the afternoon sky rippled its gentle wind upon the awaiting people. I was the only one, far off to one side, away from the tears and sadness. I felt nothing. I felt no emotion, just pure numbness, as the monks murmured prayers doth his soul find peace. No one noticed me, standing and clenching my fists, as i could not see anything. I did not see the way the ashes blew away, the way the trees picked up their rustling, and the way everyones tears stopped running. Slowly, like a trickle of flowing water, they left, walking away, away from the site, away from him, leaving me like a scarecrow amongst an empty field. I did not see any of this. Rather i felt it. I felt each footstep 23 people made as they walked away, 10 steps to the right, 15 to the car. His little cousin, god i could just imagine how pretty she mustve looked in the pink dress you bought her on her 5th birthday last year. I knew she wore it. I could hear the rustles of her dress, the very same dress we both argued about for an hour before you finally bought it. Id know it anywhere. And as the sun dipped down i realized i couldnt see because i was crying. Tears were dripping so hard i had lost vision, and relied on my hearing purely. And thats when i felt your presence. Id know you anywhere. The moment id step into the room the environment would get charged, and automatically my body, my eyes, my soul, would be attracted to you the same time youd look up and catch my eye. I felt my eyes getting dry as the wind turned colder and blew a little more, and i felt goosebumps in all the areas you used to hold me. My hands and elbows were always joined with yours, wherever youd go, youd drag me along. I felt the same as i walked to the lone tree, exactly 34 steps northeast, and i felt myself stop. I could see. I could see the beauty of the sun, i could see the beautiful tree, and i could feel the beauty you left me behind. You left me memories. And as i stood there, surrounded now by the warmth of these memories, i made a promise. A promise i have made only once, and no more.

I will learn to love again

But never will i love

The way i loved you

Therefore, your name will be the last word i ever say on my dying lips. Your name shall be the word i will cherish and love and hold and remember no matter what happens.

Your name would be my curse
My blessing
and the last words id say when i close my eyes


Your name


I love you




-3am