you can't make sombody love you, if they don't, you can't make a heart feel something it won't

Onwards

"So what, now you're not gonna date at all?"
I smiled at that and shook my head. "Nah ill date here and there . Look im on tinder "

"Yeah but you'll close it by tomorrow. I feel like there's gonna be another 5 year drought "

I laughed heartily and ruffled her head and bumped her shoulder. "Who knows. Atleast we both will be single together "

"Youre depressing"

"I know"

Semanti

When you kissed me

And all i smelt was you
The lingering taste you left behind in my mouth was of you
And the id get a whiff of something sweet
The way our mouths danced
We didn't dominate each other
Rather we were gentle . Slow
And then you picked the tempo
and as my hands gently ran through the strands of your hair and scalp, the more you breathed me in
And the moment I made my descent down your neck
You were aphrodite
You were this writhing moaning goddess as i slowly kissed my way down
And stopped right above your chest
We were in front of a lake
In university
And all i wanted to do was to keep kissing you
I didnt realize my hands had started to inch closer and closer until I was slowly twirling my fingers on the insides of your thighs
And your hands were lightly grazing my chest as our mouths found each other again
I tilted my head to give you access and you didn't dissapoint
With my heart racing and my pulse raging you slowly slipped a finger through my shirt but then again stopped

And I almost wanted to cry
I was overwhelmed
This wasn't what I expected
All I could think about was him
And for the first time as we rested our foreheads against one another and slowly just breathed each other's air, i choked up

I didnt want to tell you though
That at that moment I missed him
I suddenly missed the guy I fell for
And I realized im still irrevocably in love with a dead guy. And god i was ashamed of myself
Here you were

An aphrodisiac
Aphrodite
who was smiling at the smallest touches and leaning into my palm as I slowly touched your face
I remember opening my eyes and memorizing the look of pure ecstasy as i kissed you and trailed the kisses around your neck

You were beautiful at that moment
And all i could think about was why me

I wasnt ready for this
But I wanted to be
I just wasn't

I didnt miss the way you dismissed everything between us as you walked me back to my bus stop

We suddenly grew colder than the weather

And i knew you felt me hesitate and hold myself back

I dissapointed you
And im sorry

And all i smelt was you
The lingering taste you left behind in my mouth was of you
And the id get a whiff of something sweet
The way our mouths danced
We didn't dominate each other
Rather we were gentle . Slow
And then you picked the tempo
and as my hands gently ran through the strands of your hair and scalp, the more you breathed me in
And the moment I made my descent down your neck
You were aphrodite
You were this writhing moaning goddess as i slowly kissed my way down
And stopped right above your chest
We were in front of a lake
In university
And all i wanted to do was to keep kissing you
I didnt realize my hands had started to inch closer and closer until I was slowly twirling my fingers on the insides of your thighs
And your hands were lightly grazing my chest as our mouths found each other again
I tilted my head to give you access and you didn't dissapoint
With my heart racing and my pulse raging you slowly slipped a finger through my shirt but then again stopped

And I almost wanted to cry
I was overwhelmed
This wasn't what I expected
All I could think about was him
And for the first time as we rested our foreheads against one another and slowly just breathed each other's air, i choked up

I didnt want to tell you though
That at that moment I missed him
I suddenly missed the guy I fell for
And I realized im still irrevocably in love with a dead guy. And god i was ashamed of myself
Here you were

An aphrodisiac
Aphrodite
who was smiling at the smallest touches and leaning into my palm as I slowly touched your face
I remember opening my eyes and memorizing the look of pure ecstasy as i kissed you and trailed the kisses around your neck

You were beautiful at that moment
And all i could think about was why me

I wasnt ready for this
But I wanted to be
I just wasn't

I didnt miss the way you dismissed everything between us as you walked me back to my bus stop

We suddenly grew colder than the weather

And i knew you felt me hesitate and hold myself back

I dissapointed you
And im sorry

With a girl

I fell in love with a girl  today. Shes a feisty little thing, the way she leaned in close to hear my whispered conversations, the way her eyes widened with life as i told her stories, and the way her lips were curled into a secret smile as she entertained me .

I fell in love with a girl today, who kissed my cheeks ever so softly as we laughed over failed dates and boys that couldnt understand us. I remember the way she bent closer, slightly more and more, giving me a view of what was hidden underneath her mesh,see-through sequined shirt. And the view didnt dissapoint. Neither did she. For as her hands inched to the insides of my thighs,  my lips were tingling, slowly parting, wanting to breathe in even a little bit of her. She was a temptress, teasing me, on and on, until my heart was about to explode .

I fell in love today lord, with a girl who had no heart to give out. I remember standing there, watching her kiss someone else on the lips so lovingly that for a moment i had to close my eyes. I had to remind myself she had told me before, all she wants is to try what its like to be with a girl, but not be serious. Ive done flings before, and ive broken hearts and walked away like its nothing, why did this one hurt so?

I want her. I wake up in the morning wondering what it would be like to wake up with her. When she hugged me, i remember the way she slowly kissed the pulse on my neck as i nestled my nose on her shoulder. I want to pleasure her lord. With gifts, with love, with affection,  and god my desire. Its raging. Never have i felt like this for any girl, never have i felt the need to actually look after someone sexually. But she does that to me. When she slipped her arms around my waist, mine fit perfectly over her back, and as we walked with her head tucked against my shoulder, i never felt more complete.

And i never felt more broken.

She has my on the palm of her hands

And im putty lord.

The fact that im willing to give up myself, my body, willingly, to make sure she gets pleasure out of me, and that i can learn to take care of her, goes to show how much i fell in love with this girl.

I want her my lord

But I can't

But i fell in love with a girl today.

Semanti

Will i be perfect

Will i be perfect my love
If i show up in my jeans and casual tee?
Will you still laugh and hug me close
As i close my eyes with glee?

Will i be perfect my love
When i choke on my food
Will you still caress my cheeks and grin up at me
As i try and handle my food?

Will i be perfect my love
When the hot day starts to show the stains under my arms
Will you still wrap yourself around me
And listen to my heart?

Will i be perfect my love
For i have planned a day of utter fun
Lunch and photos and desserts
Will you tell me if you want to run?

Will i be perfect sweetheart
If i leaned in for a kiss
Would you eagerly pull my head in again
And kiss me until i see the stars?

I hope ill be enough for you
For whatever this is we both are embarking on
Youre a drug, a taste that lingers everywhere
I cant have enough

So ill see you on friday my sweet
Ill make sure i smell the best
Ill hold your hands and give you little kisses
While we pretend we are okay

Semanti