When you kissed me

And all i smelt was you
The lingering taste you left behind in my mouth was of you
And the id get a whiff of something sweet
The way our mouths danced
We didn't dominate each other
Rather we were gentle . Slow
And then you picked the tempo
and as my hands gently ran through the strands of your hair and scalp, the more you breathed me in
And the moment I made my descent down your neck
You were aphrodite
You were this writhing moaning goddess as i slowly kissed my way down
And stopped right above your chest
We were in front of a lake
In university
And all i wanted to do was to keep kissing you
I didnt realize my hands had started to inch closer and closer until I was slowly twirling my fingers on the insides of your thighs
And your hands were lightly grazing my chest as our mouths found each other again
I tilted my head to give you access and you didn't dissapoint
With my heart racing and my pulse raging you slowly slipped a finger through my shirt but then again stopped

And I almost wanted to cry
I was overwhelmed
This wasn't what I expected
All I could think about was him
And for the first time as we rested our foreheads against one another and slowly just breathed each other's air, i choked up

I didnt want to tell you though
That at that moment I missed him
I suddenly missed the guy I fell for
And I realized im still irrevocably in love with a dead guy. And god i was ashamed of myself
Here you were

An aphrodisiac
Aphrodite
who was smiling at the smallest touches and leaning into my palm as I slowly touched your face
I remember opening my eyes and memorizing the look of pure ecstasy as i kissed you and trailed the kisses around your neck

You were beautiful at that moment
And all i could think about was why me

I wasnt ready for this
But I wanted to be
I just wasn't

I didnt miss the way you dismissed everything between us as you walked me back to my bus stop

We suddenly grew colder than the weather

And i knew you felt me hesitate and hold myself back

I dissapointed you
And im sorry