beautifully broken people

And today i realized, that the people i hold the most dear to me, are the ones who are beautifully broken, just like me. So i do the one thing i can give, i love these people a little harder, a little stronger, and a little better, for these people deserve the best in the world.

I love you guys




-Semanti

if all it took was a word to end her life then god damn id end mine before i could take in the next breath of air. Because loving someone like you was killing me, just like it killed her

loving without knowing

When you love someone for who they are, not knowing their past, their present, or what they want to be in the future, is perhaps one of the most meanuningful types of love a person can have for the other. For the first time in my life, i met 2 people, who have became a part of my life almost everyday and its honestly perhaps one of the craziest things i have to say that is turning out amazing. At the end of the day, with a handful of laughter, rants, and personal experiences, i have realized i am so content with life. Im so happy.

I dont even need to look for anything else from these two for they both are such sweethearts, such good people from the time ive known them, my heart is happy with what its getting

At these times i honestly wish Katherine were here sometimes. 

-3A.M

For Iryna

I love you with a heart, that i dont always show
so much so, im suprised its still accepted so
i love you with vigour, valour and trust
for seeing you happy has become like a must

I love you for your smile, cheeky as always
brightening up some of my darkest days
i love you for your laugh, loud and plentiful
each moment shared is a bliss so beautiful

I love you for your hugs, for you cuddle me deep
if only one day, id totally hum you to sleep
I love you for your excitement, hitting me everywhere
its okay, we all have our moments to be fair

I love you for your mind, quick and attentive
your gray eyes lock on and always seem so pensive
Did i forget how much i love thy eyes my love?
So beautiful so, its blessed by the heavens above

I especially love you for your quirky moments
where we would not be afraid to be ourselves
so thank you for everything we have shared
People must be sad not to have you for themselves

I love thy humour my love, you get me everytime,
even the words i sometimes say should be a crime
lets not forget your rants, that you always talk through
no matter, for at the end of the day, it just makes me love you

But we all have our flaws my love
yet it definitely doesnt matter
for at the end of this very long day
it's only you id bother to flatter

So i hope you read this with a smile
for its the most honest i can be
i dont know how else to say i love you
than let you see all of me

Therefore im glad i love you so
and heres a promise that ill stay
the future is so unknown
but thats okay, for now ill love you everyday



-3.A.m

I have stuttered my whole life, ever since i was little. So i was told to read out loud, read every day, until the stutter would go away. So i did. I demolished countless poetries, read through several thousands of books ever since i turned 5, and yet even today, i stutter at words. It annoys me, frustrates me to no end, because i want to be normal too. I pretend not to notice someone expression when i stutter over words and i have to pause and try again. I pretend not to notice stares when im at the food counter trying to order food. Its the worst when the feeling of panic sets in, as the imaginary shadows all around me enclose in on me, laughing and pointing fingers at this girl who cant even speak properly. Even now i read 1 book a day, atleast 1 book, and there are words inside me, so many so i wish i could shout them out. I wish i could scream out every word and not worry about how im unable to pronounce them or worry about the lisp i have over vowels.

I worry more than i speak




-3am

I have a fair share of insecurities that range from self-loathing to wondering why do I bother associating with people. Every morning, waking up is more of a struggle than falling asleep because i have all these thoughts, these words that weigh me down so much so i give up the struggle to get up and just lay in bed wondering if anyone would care I was missing today. See, i call these days my winter days, as an affectionate term for hating everything and everyone around me and wanting not to see them for the whole day. Why though is this considered a negative thing, when all of us have our ups and downs, our days when we hate the world and the days where we just want to cuddle the shit out of someone you dont even talk to?

whatever it is
i need a fucking fairy god mother or some shit
if anyone knows someone
im willing to pay
and im cuddly

sincerely

-3am

william and iryna

Today i spent the majority of my day with work mates. We spent 6 hours after work together over iced drinks and laughter, as we sat down with nothing between us but our bodies. Over time as our stories increased in length and our laughter increased in volume i realized all 4 of us had inched closer and closer until our legs were between each others and one arm was resting on someone else's knee while the head rest on another. We were so content in our little bubble, talking without knowing how fast the hours were passing by, i realized i had never been so happy at all. Ive rarely ever been so happy, so content, and so at ease. I wasnt sitting there thinking how fat do i look or how ugly am i compared to the beauty i was sitting next to. No, i was utterly taken to the world of happiness and bliss, so pure now im sitting on my bed with a silly smile on my face still, unable to let this memory ever be stored and never be seen again.

I dont think ive ever laughed and smiled as much as i did today


Im so happy to have met William and Iryna, for they both are such genuinely good souls they leave this feeling of content happiness inside me.


I love them both so much and it hasnt been long at all



I love them





-3am

Rainy days

I hvae my days where im numb to the point where i sit on the floor for hours at end, staring at a blank wall. Then i have days where the shadows jump and flicker , and behind my closed eyes i can see them dancing around, waiting for me to open my eyes. I call those days my rainy days. Because my eyes shed so much tears my shirt, my pillows, my sheets all drench with pain , loneliness and self-hatred. But then i open my eyes a few hours later and pick myself back again. The sun shines like nothing happened and the clouds disperse like nothing ever existed. Therefore i believe im okay. Im ok the way i am. I am scared of the dark, im afraid of my sanity, but im okay.


I just have a few rainy days



-3am