A storm of love

For she was a hurricane of feelings, hitting me at my most vulnerable, and leaving me behind in the aftermath of the rain and wind. She took me away from the lonely grounds, only to leave behind a destruction of memories, than can never be looked at without breaking down. You see, she was a storm, so painfully enigmatic and mesmerizing, i got caught in its wake, and during the times i spent with her, i forgot what it was like to see the sun for she took me into her world and showed me whats its like to really be in the darkness and never be afraid of it. She was the darkness, but she wasnt afraid of the light. This is why i loved her so. Her dark dark soul, so full of pain and sadness, yet never did she forget how to smile. I loved her like ive never loved or been loved before. I loved her for the tears she made me cry, the memories she left behind, and the stars she has taught me about. Ill love her always.- Aiden

random idea

My name is Riley and im 19 years old. My dad is a rich businessman and my mother works alongside him as his equal, his partner, and his ex wife. Thats right. Ex-wife. They both had a mutual agreement for a divorce when i was 11, for things werent working out at all. Dad threw himself into the business and mom did as well, and both had no time for a relationship crumbling, for no one had the time to come back to an already empty home, devoid of any sound, any laughter, or any love. Within the divorce, both accepted to have equal custody of me, therefore i remained in the house they used to live together, until money mattered more than their child. Was i bitter? No. Am i lonely? No . After all, i had everything a young adult or teenager would wish for. The gaming technologies ranging from even the priceless ones such as the very first Nintendo Entertainmet System from the early 1980’s to the most recent Playstation or whatever kids call it nowdays. I was very priveleged, in a sense that i had enough money in my credit cards to buy anything at my whim, yet they stay unused in my wallet that never came out of my bag. You see, with all these rich luxuries, the colours, and all these cool gadgets i still havent brought myself to touch, i was the reason why they probably stayed away from home. I was the reason for the silence within the walls, so quite, that my thoughts are louder in my head. For you see, Riley Izzara Blakesmith was born deaf. One of the most priveleged kids in the world has never heard a sound in her life, never heard her own laughter, and probably never heard her mom crying when she realized her own daughter could not even herself call her “mom”.

Remember the rain

Remember the rain when it comes down
For it affects only those around
Though you open the umbrella to keep you dry
The chill goes into your bones without a sound

Remember the rain he said when the sun's hiding
And the pregnant layers of the skies burst open
For nothing washes Away emotions
As the sky starts crying

Remember the rain they murmured
as they closed the casket covering your face
as everyone stepped back together
I stepped forward with grace

Remember the rain the priest murmured
as i bent and kissed your wooden door
as the water engulfed all sound around me
i slowly slid to the floor

Remember the rain my parents shouted
as they threw my art books away from me
and after the beating stopped and i stood up
i realized your picture was buried within the sea

Remember the rain my friends whispered
as they all hugged me goodbye
and i stepped into the plane to never come back
for time left me with nothing behind

Remember the rain you told me
when you visited me in my dreams
a hug, a whisper, a kiss
of times i still sorely miss

I remember the rain my love
i remember it everyday
6 years has gone so fast
yet ive never run out of words to say




-3AM.

GWTI#3

Stomping over to him, i snatched his cigarette out his mouth, stepping onto it the moment it hit the ground. Dousing the spark out, I looked up to his furious red eyes, and braced myself for his wrath. He was angry. He was always angry. I could smell the alcohol on his breath as he blew out the remaining smoke from his mouth as he rumbled low in his chest. "Whyre you here " he murmured, now glaring at me as he ran a hand over his tired eyes. "Checking up on you. You stopped picking my calls completely " i answered back, stepping back one step as i could almost see the smoke coming out of his ears."maybe because i don't want to talk! Maybe it's because I don't want to talk to you! " he snarled out, swiping a hand through the air as if he was throwing a punch towards one of his ghosts. Fear built up inside me but I kept quiet as i assessed him. He was angry. He was hurt. And that's when it hit me. "She broke up with you " i gasped out, hitting the jackpot when his eyes narrowed at me and he clenched his fists. "Of course she did. You knew she would didn't you? You probably planned it behind my back to hurt me. Of course. Of course. " he murmured to himself as he clenched his disheveled hair. I was at a loss for words. "What the fuck are you talking about" i snapped, as hurt flashed through me at his accusation. "I don't even know your fucked up ex girlfriend you idiot! I never even met her! How...." My words trailed off as faster than the wind his hands snapped out and pushed me against the wall by my throat. My eyes widened when he leaned closer and all I could see was a crazed rage. He had snapped. But from anger. He pressed himself closer as he growled into my face. " don't talk to me like that Iz. You know I don't like raised voices. Yet how would you know? You think I haven't noticed your pathetic ass running behind me every time I'm doing something that's considered wrong in your eyes? Ever since you came in my life I feel like I'm walking on my tiptoes! You suffocate me "he said, his voice dropping lower as he cocked his head to one side and looked at me. "But then how would you know? You can't even make anyone stay in your life forever. It won't be long until your so called best friend leaves you too. You're boring. You don't drink or do anything crazy. Why would they stay with you? " he wondered, as his words started hitting me like rocks. Ignore him Iz. He doesn't know shit about you . I thought to myself as i watched him look at me like a predator looking at its prey. "I wonder how it felt " he started again, stepped closer as he placed his lips closer to my ears, his hands now on the side of my face against the walls, as he placed himself closer to me, making me breath in the alcohol in his breath. "When he finally left you hey?' he whispered, rearing his head back to look at me as I struggled to contain the panic in my expression. " did he die you little imbecile? Oh wait maybe that's the way he wanted to get away from you. He just didn't know how to say it. Did you drive him to his death hey?" he questioned, as the murderous curiousity in his eyes pierced me like bullet points, as he opened up raw wounds I tried closing every night. "Shut up" i snarled, as he smirked in triumph as the pain of losing him rushed through me again. "Ah ah ah, why so rude? After all, it must be a relief for him to finally get away from you! " he said, his words lacing with contempt as i started having an anxiety attack. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see clearly as i fell on the floor as memories flashed through me. His eyes. His smile. His warmth. And then I felt it. The undeniable anger as i flashed to my feet and swung a fist towards him. I wanted to hurt him. And the satisfying sound of hitting his cheekbone and hearing the ominous crack through the alley echoed in my ears as he staggered back and held his face. "You bitch! " he snarled, but i didnt give him much to say as i stepped forward again and swung a hand towards his nose, not caring if it broke. "You fucked up son of a Bastard" i snarled out, and watched as he fell to the floor with a cry of pain. And i couldn't control the anger flashing through me. I was shaking with these emotions. I would hurt him more of I stayed here. So within a few seconds, i texted Jarrod to pick him up as i couldn't leave him here no matter what. "Jarrods coming " i ground out to him, as i turned to walk away. I didn't know where I was going or where the hell I was. At that moment I felt like everything was crashing on me. "Iz" he called out, his voice shaking with pain. I stopped and closed my eyes, refusing to look at him. "I'm sorry"

"Behind this smile', i murmured, tracing my hand lightly over the photo the press had printed out in the papers, 'is everything no one would want to understand for money is everything to people nowdays." He gently grabbed the newspaper from me and observed the picture, my dad with his stern cold eyes and my mother with her similar expression, except smiling slightly like she found the camera men amusing. And then there was me. If you looked hard enough beyond my one-sided smile youd notice how out of place i felt, the confusion in my eyes as the camera flashes blinded us for this photo. "Country's richest family donated a hefty sum of 400,000 dollars to the homeless shelter suffering disabilities! Read more to find out about their youngest daughter and her deeds!" Aiden snorted as he read the title in a mocking voice, and turned to look at me with eyebrows raised. "Do i want to know your deeds?" he asked cheekily, as he folded the paper over and threw it into the sofa. I narrowed my eyes at the paper then shrugged, uninterested at the words printing lies. "i wasnt the one who donated to the homeless shelter. That was dads publicist. i work in a volunteer shelter training dogs to help the deaf and blind walk to places without needing contant help from their useless families." He blinked in suprise and smiled slightly, cocking his head to the side."So when do you work?" "Friday and saturday evenings" i murmured, getting slightly annoyed with the way he looked at me. Aiden laughed suddenly and grinned, walking to the playroom and leaving me behind. "1 v 1 me in Rocket league Ash!" he shouted, as he raced to the playroom to grab my favorite controller. Groaning, i followed him, not before picking up the newspaper and looking at the photo again. There was one person missing in the photo, perhaps if he was here it wouldve looked perfect.

My brother was missing.










-3AM

Funerals of the past, cold of the present.

"i didnt go to his funeral" i muttered, as i took a swig of the beer. At this point, no coherent thoughts were formed, rather i felt like a wall had been let down, letting alcohol wash through my memories. He didnt say anything, rather idly fingered the neck of his beer, looking out at the evening. "i couldnt bring myself to go. all my friends did. his friends did, except me. they called my name. they asked if i was around. his relatives spoke. his friends spoke. his girlfriend didnt. because she was too god damn weak to get out of bed and say goodbye" i muttered harshly, clenching my fists tightly around the bottle. the cold of the night was now slowly seeping in through my thin shirt, and in that point of silence, i wished i dressed warmer. As i started shivering slowly, i watched as Aiden zipped his jacket off, and handed it to me, revealing his sweater underneath. i put my bottle down and draped it around me, because it felt like my arms were shaking off of me. "I didnt sleep the night before his funeral. i remember sitting against the wall of my bedroom, clutching a bottle of pills in one hand, and my phone in the other. i remember calling my best friend and telling her i wanted to die, and i hanged up at 2 am, too awake to sleep. i remember every thought Aiden. i remember every feeling i went through ever since i met him. i remembered how he used to hate me before he accepted me. i remember every look he gave me. but most of all i remember him as someone always there. he was everywhere Aiden. Either in my class, waiting outside, dropping me off to my car, or keeping me company at night. and i cant explain to you, the loss of losing that presence. i didnt go to school for 1 week, until my mom literally pulled me out of bed and dressed me herself". i pulled my feet closer, accidently nudging my bottle of beer over and spilling all of its contents. i didnt make any move to right the bottle, nor did Aiden. "those were my emotions Aiden. by the time his funeral came, i was empty as this bottle. i felt nothing. i felt nothing but emptiness. it felt like someone cut a hole in the middle of my chest. at times i swore i could hear my heart stop beating for i gave up even eating or drinking. my parents thought i was sick again and took me to the doctors. they prescribed vitamins, changed my medicine doses, and thought maybe im in pain from my spine. but Aiden, i wasnt in pain on the outside. i was hurting on the inside. Every time i cried it felt like someone lit me on fire. And the silence kept me okay. i relished the darkness like i do now. i felt comforted, for though alone, i felt like i was alive." "how did you come to love the stars?" he whispered, as he listened to me open my heart. i wrapped my arms around myself and looked at the sky. "it was exactly 4 days after his funeral, when i fell asleep for 2 hours and i woke up with a nightmare. i dreamt of him. i dreamt of him again being with me. i felt his presence around me. even after the dream ended and i woke up crying and shaking, i remember looking out my window and into the sky. i stopped crying as i looked at the stars. at that point, my mind numbly registered them as little lights glowing in the sky, and i walked out of my room to my balcony, for i felt like i was magnetized by these lights. " i paused and pointed at Ara. "thats the North star. the first name i learnt. and i felt comforted. all these lights just there, forever there, never going anywhere you know? So i spent my days out even more. sometimes i even fell asleep in my balcony, lying against the granite floor and looking to the sky. it was how i managed to get a grip at this pain and lock it in. it took me 2 years. look at me now" i muttered proudly , as i scoffed at myself. i looked at Aiden and narrowed my eyes. "But you see, since that day. ive been so cold. i feel cold. right now it feels like someone has turned me into ice. im not shivering because of the weather Aiden. " i took his palm and focused my blurry gaze to his eyes, as i placed his palm against my heart. "this is cold. i feel so cold. and you make it warm. but it scares me. because i dont want to be back with the cold again". i dropped his palm and resumed my previous position, wrapping his jacket even tighter around me. "you wont be cold." he muttered, as he set his empty bottle down. "not anymore"








-3A.M

"After all" i mused, trying desperately to hide my shaky voice. "i am but a fucked up girl, just wanting to be loved"

stale

And as i sat there, smoking my sorrow away like dead leaves, and drowning my heart in the blackest of coffees, i felt invincible.

You forgot to put the safety on, and i cant sleep, but i cant, for you have guns on your hands

warnings

"i have a fucked up family Aiden. Dont get yourself associated with me."
"Why? The media doesen't even know where one of the richest millionaires family lives. No one would bother me about you."
"i dont give 2 shits about the media Aiden. But understand that i am the sun. Come too close, i can burn of your wings"
"well thank god for redbull"
"You ruin my dramatic flairs"
He gave me a cheeky grin and tossed a coin at me. I snatched it out of the air and looked at him, in confusion, at why he gave me a dollar coin. He started walking away when he looked back and shouted, "keep it. That was my lucky coin for the last 7 years."
"What will you do without it!?" I shouted back, holding the coin tightly inside my fist.
He laughed and stopped walking, and without facing me, he threw his words into the wind. "i dont need one anymore.I found you."





-3A.M

Street lights

"What are you looking at?" he finally asked, breaking the silence as he drove us to somewhere unknown. I could barely even muster the thoughts to answer that question, for my brain was working overtime, induced by the state of alcohol. "the lights" i answered, slightly slurring over my words as i desperately tried to open my mouth properly. i turned to see the corner of his lips twitch slightly, as he raised a eyebrow. "what about them?" he asked, as he kept his gaze straight ahead. i looked back at the lights, that seemed to glow indefinitely brighter, powered by electrcity coming from a place no one thinks about. "we are like these lights". i stated as my mind started getting even more blurry. "you see. look at them. theyre so pretty and bright while we look at them. but rarely does anyone take the time to understand the reason why theyre like that. no one even thinks about where they get the power to be so bright, where the source of the energy comes from, and why they are there in that specific place or why that specific shape. theres so much things we could take the time to know but we dont. just like humans. were like that." i finished, as i shook my head slightly to get rid of the blurry haze over my eyes. Aiden didnt say anything as he processed my words, then he asked softly, "but theyre not living things. We are". i scoffed at that and looked at him. " Even if we're living right now, does that mean you take the time to look at someone and think what story they may hold? do you ever look at someone and wonder why they may dress as such or walk as such? we are walking stories that no one wants to read. and i want to be the one writing about these people. write about myself. im a damn open book that no one bothers to read." i ended my sentence whispering, as i closed my eyes sleepily. the silence descended upon us slowly, as if he didnt know what to say to me. thats when he took a deep breath and sighed. "I know you wont remember this when youre awake tomorrow. so lets just talk then. youre drunk and emotional right now".  i looked away, tears suddenly stinging my eyes as i took a deep breath of my own. "i may be drunk and emotional, but i think everyone knows that when were drunk, with no control of our thoughts, its socially impossible to lie. and right now Aiden, im a fucking book youre closing because youre scared of reading me further in case you dont like the ending."




3A.M

You ask  me what do i need


Baby i just need to breathe