"i didnt go to his funeral" i muttered, as i took a swig of the beer. At this point, no coherent thoughts were formed, rather i felt like a wall had been let down, letting alcohol wash through my memories. He didnt say anything, rather idly fingered the neck of his beer, looking out at the evening. "i couldnt bring myself to go. all my friends did. his friends did, except me. they called my name. they asked if i was around. his relatives spoke. his friends spoke. his girlfriend didnt. because she was too god damn weak to get out of bed and say goodbye" i muttered harshly, clenching my fists tightly around the bottle. the cold of the night was now slowly seeping in through my thin shirt, and in that point of silence, i wished i dressed warmer. As i started shivering slowly, i watched as Aiden zipped his jacket off, and handed it to me, revealing his sweater underneath. i put my bottle down and draped it around me, because it felt like my arms were shaking off of me. "I didnt sleep the night before his funeral. i remember sitting against the wall of my bedroom, clutching a bottle of pills in one hand, and my phone in the other. i remember calling my best friend and telling her i wanted to die, and i hanged up at 2 am, too awake to sleep. i remember every thought Aiden. i remember every feeling i went through ever since i met him. i remembered how he used to hate me before he accepted me. i remember every look he gave me. but most of all i remember him as someone always there. he was everywhere Aiden. Either in my class, waiting outside, dropping me off to my car, or keeping me company at night. and i cant explain to you, the loss of losing that presence. i didnt go to school for 1 week, until my mom literally pulled me out of bed and dressed me herself". i pulled my feet closer, accidently nudging my bottle of beer over and spilling all of its contents. i didnt make any move to right the bottle, nor did Aiden. "those were my emotions Aiden. by the time his funeral came, i was empty as this bottle. i felt nothing. i felt nothing but emptiness. it felt like someone cut a hole in the middle of my chest. at times i swore i could hear my heart stop beating for i gave up even eating or drinking. my parents thought i was sick again and took me to the doctors. they prescribed vitamins, changed my medicine doses, and thought maybe im in pain from my spine. but Aiden, i wasnt in pain on the outside. i was hurting on the inside. Every time i cried it felt like someone lit me on fire. And the silence kept me okay. i relished the darkness like i do now. i felt comforted, for though alone, i felt like i was alive." "how did you come to love the stars?" he whispered, as he listened to me open my heart. i wrapped my arms around myself and looked at the sky. "it was exactly 4 days after his funeral, when i fell asleep for 2 hours and i woke up with a nightmare. i dreamt of him. i dreamt of him again being with me. i felt his presence around me. even after the dream ended and i woke up crying and shaking, i remember looking out my window and into the sky. i stopped crying as i looked at the stars. at that point, my mind numbly registered them as little lights glowing in the sky, and i walked out of my room to my balcony, for i felt like i was magnetized by these lights. " i paused and pointed at Ara. "thats the North star. the first name i learnt. and i felt comforted. all these lights just there, forever there, never going anywhere you know? So i spent my days out even more. sometimes i even fell asleep in my balcony, lying against the granite floor and looking to the sky. it was how i managed to get a grip at this pain and lock it in. it took me 2 years. look at me now" i muttered proudly , as i scoffed at myself. i looked at Aiden and narrowed my eyes. "But you see, since that day. ive been so cold. i feel cold. right now it feels like someone has turned me into ice. im not shivering because of the weather Aiden. " i took his palm and focused my blurry gaze to his eyes, as i placed his palm against my heart. "this is cold. i feel so cold. and you make it warm. but it scares me. because i dont want to be back with the cold again". i dropped his palm and resumed my previous position, wrapping his jacket even tighter around me. "you wont be cold." he muttered, as he set his empty bottle down. "not anymore"
-3A.M
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