I Remember

I Remember

You were quiet during the car ride back home. You didn't even say a word as you were curled up on your seat, just sitting there. Looking at you, I could see you there. But then, you weren't there, for, with your hands hidden inside the pockets of your overlarge hoodie, your eyes stared ahead, so blankly, void of any emotion.

I watched you every time a car drove by. I loved how your eyes lit up like headlights, supernovas, and a bright collision of stars. They were fathomless. When the cars drove on, the darkness hid your eyes again, and I knew right there and then that this was my everything.

When i pulled up to your driveway, waiting for the gates to open, I watched how you froze, and I knew what you were thinking. Wondering. It didn't make sense to you, how, after everything that happened, we both were here, at your driveway, in the misty light of the evening.

I wanted to apologize then. I started feeling like such a dick, for the words said, unsaid, and the time you thought it was already time to let go. Because of me. 

You see, you're like quicksand. And this time, I allowed myself to be swallowed up. All the emotions, the pain, the love. I was sinking, but I was sinking with you, in you. I lost myself in you that night, and that's when I realized I didn't want to fall so hard. I couldn't get back out, and I didn't want to. I wanted to be there, here, forever, just with you.

Time went too fast, though. It was dragging on ever since you left me. Ever since we left each other. And then here you were, with me, changing my minutes to seconds, hours to minutes.

I had to let you go. But all I could do was hold on to you. just a little longer, and pray that perhaps we could slow down the time passing us, so I could have this moment with you just a bit more.

Your skin looked golden when you fell asleep beside me, under the light of your overhead windows. Your long dark hair spread out across my pillows, the only color against the whiteness of your sheets, as I ran my hands through the obsidian silk.

I remember when I lay there, watching you like it was my first time seeing you. I remember how you woke up suddenly, your chest racking with incurable coughs as my heart clenched at the noise. I remember watching your eyes look at me, soften with emotion as the stars started to glow even brighter right outside your window. And As I laced my fingers with yours, providing warmth to your oh so cold bones, I remembered every moment when you said it. "I love you," you whispered. "Damn it, I love you so much" I smiled a little as watched you say it. It hurt.

You soon fell asleep from your exhaustion and the medicines. I finally let go of all my walls. And as my hands trailed your cheeks, memorizing every detail, I realized I was the one crying. Everything inside me felt like it was on fire like someone was torturing my insides. I was in pain

"I love you too," I whispered, clenching my fists tightly, for once wishing my heart would stop beating. I meant it.