Dreaming

I dream of the days of the past 

Where naught the light but the dark

Made itself at home centered deep in my chest 

Where longing calls of freedom and youth 

And abolished prisons of gold

Still existed and kept my soul at bay

How does one break their soul 

Out of this vessel of containment 

Held back my thoughts and images not ours ?

I know not. I try not. I dare not

Yet I should 

Therefore every time I close my eyes 

I tinker within these guilded cages

Hoping to be one again with this lost soul 

That is me but is not me for now 

I dream of the past .

smitten

It's the little slip ups that have become regular

Endearing terms that I now solely use for you

Or maybe it's the shy giggles and pauses that coat our conversations as we sigh over the phone

I know not what this is

But oh my god I am falling for you .

I'm smitten.

yours

I know not how my heart escaped the guilded cage I had built so laboriously throughout the years 

The moment you endearingly termed me as yours as a slip up 

I swear the world changed, the stars were brighter on my ceiling and the planets spun on their axis

As I stopped breathing to stare at the glow in the dark decals lining the edges of my vision 

You had just claimed me verbally 

And my heart beat . Stronger. Faster. More vicariously. As my soul swirled and my future realigned to have you in it. You were in it. My future now shapes you and it draws out every imprint you make upon me. 

I do not think this is love no. But oh my god I am in love with you.

I am smitten.

longing

I've spent eons perfecting caricatures of your imperfections

To highlight every flaw in the most beautiful way

And yet here I stand empty-handed in this barren land

A desolate place my soul agreed to stay 

Through fissures and cracks I find your soul

Winding through the spaces of existence between a galaxy or two

Because how else do I explain to our earthly folk 

That I am in love with the ghost of you 

To long for someone who I haven't met

-S

player two

Will you wrong me, player two of destiny's game

Or will you take a step back and watch me fall

For a person who I gave my all 

To create a feeble caricature of your every flaw

No I know not what you intend to do 

If betrayal is all I see from you 

In this game of victory and deceit 

I sense your patterns and thus I repeat 

Your potrayals of failure and mischief

-s

caricature

I am creating a reality that involves you in it

Needn't be the trees shedding it's leaves the way my tears do 

Nor am I painting a caricature of your flaws that I see as perfection 

I shade in the hues with roses and peonies 

I know not , this caricature I hold of you 

Flawed perfections so imminently defined 

Does it scare you to know I know you?

Does it scare you I see you?

I needn't need to shake your tree to blow the loose leaves away from the unwatered branches 

No, you do well enough shedding enough tears to drown me in your sorrow 

I am all but a buoyant soul avoiding your tortured self

Yet how is it you have successfully devoid me of love ? 

This relationship is as toxic as red camellias

That grow a shade my eyes have never seen

Perhaps this is why I choose to blind myself willingly 

Pretending you are all that I need 

I know not where we go from here my love