negativity

All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present.  Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, and worry-- are all forms of fear--- caused by too much future and not enough presence. Guilt, anger, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past and not enough presence.

Forgive yourself for the way that you feel and the things youve done. For the words said, unsaid, and the actions youve taken and have yet to take. Fearing the present will result in a more uncertain future , learn to leave things behind and walk away from the past. These are just mere words i am writing on paper, and may not seem like much. But i promise you, open yourself up with more thoughts of positivity. Seeds of doubt and negativity have no place to grow in our lives if we continuously fertilize our minds with positive thoughts.  Start focusing more on what you can do and will do, instead of what you couldn't.  

destruction

The way you loved me

Was so volatile and destructive

I only remembered your love when your lips pushed against mine

And your hands buried themselves in my chest.

I told myself thats how you love me

For i breathed life into you

To stoke your flames of passion and violence

Because all i learnt my whole life

That the only way you could show love

Was to mold my heart with your tongue

I never learnt gentle caresses from words unspoken

Nor did i ever feel the effects of orgasmic bliss

For whenever you pushed my head down your body

Let my tongue bring you to a whole new world

You never did the same to me

But i believed that was love

I believed that the way i loved you

In my own broken, pathethic way

Was how love was meant to be

How sad it is

That the way we loved

Was all but a war we walked into willingly 

And yet as i stand here 

On my own battlefield 

Piecing my soul back together 

I watch you dance with someone else

What a storm of violence you are 

What a war i just won. 

why does it hurt so

Such a weird feeling feeling

That it hurts to see you happy

But it also feels good to see you happy

What is this pain?

It doesnt twist my insides like it used to

No its not jealousy

It doesnt hurt my chest like it used to

No its not a love lost

It doesn't make me sick 

No its not pride

Its selfishness

It feels like a growing vine

It starts from my throat

Twirling itself around like branches of a tree

Affecting my ability

To get words out 

To tell you i am happy for you

Because i am. Believe me i am

But the vines twist and tighten

For in truth what i really want to say

Is when will i be

Just as happy as you?

When will i find someone who will love me

And tell me why im worth loving ?

The vines continue twisting and twirling

And all i can get out when i look at you

Is hey, im glad youre doing good

Im happy for you.