At times i feel like the world is out there attacking me in someway, making me put up my walls that my friends end up breaking through. i go through the insecurities and isolate myself away, scared of what theyd think if i ended up wording my thoughts, for i honestly would sound psychotic. So i dedicate time to help others, to keep my away from my thoughts, like right now. i do have good friends that are unimaginable to find, and i trust them with my life.
yet when they ask me whats wrong, half the time i dont end up answering it. because its so hard. its so fucking hard to open up your thoughts and troubles and lay them on someone no matter how good, which they can use to judge you.
i think this anxiety ruins everything around me
and ruins everything for me
because i end up pushing the person away
and then i regret
and then i go through the stages of hurt pain and anger
i blame it on the person who let me go
but then again, who would hold onto someone crazy and negative like me?
it seems like .. whenever i climb the ladder to the top, something keeps knocking me off.
like my mom said.. i take one step forward but i end up 3 steps back
i dont know what im doing with my life. i find happiness in the littlest things yet something overlooks those feelings.
im a pathetic jumble of feelings
- 3A.M
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