Loneliness

Loneliness is a feeling when you see nothing but yourself out in the middle of the sea, struggling to swim amongst an ocean of sharks.

And thats what knaws the edges of my mind every damn night when i wish all my friends a good night and stay huddled in the corner of my room, trying to keep these sharks at bay.

And sometimes i can feel them coming too close for comfort.
and on these days, i feel like im watching myself from the outside, waiting for me to give in to the depths of my mind.

And i almost do.

I went out to the beach today with 2 of my friends. Watching the ocean splash against the pier i was sitting on, relentlessly, reminded me of how the sharks pursue inside my mind relentlessly. they never give up. the current of the waves lessen and diminish but never do they vanish.
And at times my dear readers, i feel like my thoughts are the ocean themselves, so deep, i can drown within them.


have you ever gone through that feeling? Where youre surrounded by a crowd of people but youre the only one there in your mind. you notice nothing and no one around you, and youre just sitting there trying to shake yourself out of that state of mind.

i want to shine like those pretty lights that twinkle out in the sea, or when we look into the city from far away. i want to glow like the moon on the darkest of nights, ridding the night of its darkness and shrouding everything in its path with warmth.

But lastly, i want to just shine like the star, because theyre never alone. every star we see out at night are surrounded by countless others, shining , twinkling, never alone.

and though the light provided is small, the company they recieve is enough for a lifetime of our company needed.



and im so god damn lonely in my mind i have to pretend everythings okay

its not

its fucking not.




- 3 am musings.