When my nightmares get worse

often times i stare at my blog wanting to write out my thoughts but being too tired or lazy to. so i tell the blog the stories i wanted to write instead of typing it down. it makes me feel like im doing something. it makes me feel less loaded, less burdened, and i dont feel like im being cocked up like a revolver ready to shoot anyone in my path.

i wish they had an app where i could type my blog by speaking.

but lately ive been having troubles sleeping again. i have been restless. tossing and turning alot. been getting nightmares, so much so that it feels like im constantly on edge, being watched. the shadows that i used to feel comforted in scare me now. i actually need a source of light to fall asleep.

i think this bipolar disorder gets worse at times, especially in the night.

i had alot of ups and downs today. but i think its the worst when im actually seeing things

i imagine alot more.

my mind before thought in pictures but its hard to explain, i think in more specific colours now. i see alot of red. definitely. i see yellow and black as well. its hard for me to explain to someone that im bipolar and i imagine people watching me everytime wherever i go or i actually think of situations that probably arent true.

im not crazy though

but i feel crazy

the demons are back again

but i wont give up yet




exams are here and are starting tomorrow.

wish me luck









-3am