Anxiety

you dont understand this anxiety inside me
it throbs and swells every passing moment
it extends its arms and curls its claws around my throat
i am my own opponent

you dont understand the panic that rises
when i wonder whats wrong with me at midnight
i look out the window when the world is all but quiet
and wonder if ill ever see the light

you dont understand this darkness inside of me
i remember i tried telling you a few days ago
you simply asked me what darkness i was referring to
babe, its right behind me, look further

you dont understand the loss this brings
when despair creeps in midday
whilst working, surrounded by smiling people,
i feel more at loss than those at bay

do you understand the pain i feel love
when at times im struggling to breathe and whisper i love you
i love you i do. i want to shout it to the world
but im scared my darkness will make you run too

i struggle with conversations in my life
for in my head the words flow perfectly
i create sentences and words that seem so fluid
until i open my mouth to a void

my words jumble up here and there
maybe its the way i get scared of being heard
being listened to , looked at, or touched with
i bow my head and dont say a word

you see my love this is my anxiety
the one who makes me close me eyes and look away
i simply stay quiet and let you believe
i am everything ... yet not okay

i want to scream to you sometimes
i wish i could get you a glimpse inside my head
jumbled thoughts and pictures and lingering shadows
i wish i could give you all the reasons i wanted to be dead

so im sorry my love if this anxiety gets me on days
when i cant seem to lock it in
dont mind it, ill be okay in another few days
just dont leave me here within

i told you damn it i had baggage
i have a hundred shadows and sorrow
yet you insisted to stay and suffer
lets see what i let you in on tomorrow.

-3am