Are you okay?

 For as long as I can remember

I have been plagued by this desperate need

to prove my suffering to others

For someone to realise that something was wrong

For horrible, unspeakable things to happen to me

to provide me an Excuse to not be okay

I should be okay

I am okay

but healthy people do not wish to be sick

if they are of healthy body and mind

so pray explain to me while I am healthy outside

why my mind is so sick

It crawls into my insides and into my being

like blood trickling down the bathroom floor at 3am

when the voices grow in cacophony

like an artery with unhindered blood flow

like the wound of the weary

this wound is growing bigger everyday

and doctors cannot see it with their spectacled gaze

as they poke and prod my oh-so tender skin

the bleeding spreads rapidly inside.

I smile wider as the wound increases 

for how do I show this phantom pain?

Its so fucking stupid

that my mind is decaying like terminal cancer

And I am waiting for the news to hit everyone one day

"She was such a good soul , and god took her too early"

for it is shameful for them to admit

they never learnt how to tell when people like you and I

are so sick on the inside

This pain

this crippling desire to be understood

but more so to not be existing

oh this pain

it is eating me alive.