Beautiful

Often times when I look at her, she takes my breath away . Maybe it was the way she keeps showing me, reminding me, just how beautiful she is. With pale skin, and full lower lips , more so than often I find myself glancing down , wanting to kiss her softy , taste her, feel those lips against mine. And more often than not, she knows what im thinking,  and reaches up on her tip toes to kiss me. Or maybe it was the warmth of her eyes that makes me unable to look away whenever I stared at her. They were a warm brown, full of emotions and thoughts , expressing her without words. 

And often times , I stared at her body.  Maybe it was the luscious breasts i loved to trace and cup over , the way they'd fit in my hands and the way shed watch what I was doing with hooded eyes. Or maybe it was the curves of her body , when I'd quietly slip a hand around her waist and pull her to me when we were in public , rest my hands against her stomach, claiming her as my girl in my own way . She very well knew just how much i loved her backside as well, for I perhaps stare at her butt like a proud woman, when shes walking in front of me. It doesn't matter what she's wearing , she manages to make me appreciate her body ,to a level where I've memorized the feel of her everywhere, and yet I lust for her all the damn time .

Never have i felt such a pull to anyone but her . Never have i felt the need to be possessive , until she came into my life and made me realize I wouldn't want to lose her . To anyone or anything.

And if you're reading this.  I love you.  I love you out of the millions of people in this world. I love you despite you getting jealous over my best friends at rare times.

And i love you because im yours and yours only.

-3am

Scents

It was almost aphrodisiac-like, the way we stayed looking at each other , cupping each other's faces and or linking fingers together, as we regained our breaths back after the sex . Perhaps the most aphrodisiac-like fact was how our scents mingled and crossed each other , the way i could still taste her on the roof of my mouth and the way my lips still tingled with pure love. Or maybe it was the way she looked at me like I was the best thing she'd ever seen. The best person shed ever been with. 

She looked at me like I was beautiful.

And at moments like that where we both stayed and heaved and shared each other's breaths and scents , I swear I feel beautiful.  And i swear I feel complete .

And hours later when im home in bed , all I can think of is her.  She surrounds me with her smell.  This morning I woke up and i thought she was there for a second because I still smelt her on my body . And when my heart lurched and a weight dropped to my stomach , realizing my hopes were just a mere dream, I still smiled . Because i loved her either way. And one day.

God one day itll happen.  Where i wake up next to her after a bad dream and her arms will immediately go around me, soothing me, pulling me back into her chest , holding Me even after I fall asleep. Or maybe it's the way I'll wake up to her tender kisses , the way she'd slowly press her lips all over my face and neck,  then trace her way back to my lips, bringing forth a smile

I'll make sure it happens . Because i cant imagine it with anyone but her god.

Shes the one

-3am

Drunk love

I stumbled into the bathroom, taking care not to slip on the tiled floor as i turned and watched for her. She had just finished waving goodbye to her guests , and was closing the door , with no idea how i was looming behind her. "Emily!"  I whispered harshly , when she turned around and didnt even glance at the bathroom i was in. With a startled glance , she locked eyes.

We both knew why I was there , hiding in in the darkness watching her . With 2 giant steps she threw her arms around me just as I pulled her into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

She was in my arms . Finally .
It felt like something had shifted . The tense , nervous atmosphere,  the eggshells we both had been walking on, to ensure her family didnt find out about us, had disappeared. 

And we both tilted our heads and kissed.  I could taste her . I could taste the slight scotch on her breath just as same i was sure she could taste the beer.  I held her so tightly i wondered briefly if she could breath . But I didn't care. I was tipsy,  I was emotional , and I fucking missed her.

The hardest part was perhaps ignoring her, pretending we were just friends via a mutual friend . When in reality she was more .

She was my girlfriend .
My partner .
The love of my life .

"Are you okay ?" She whispered , cupping my face . I shook my head, trying not to cry. "No..I miss you. Its so hard emily . It's so fucking hard". Her own face contorted at my pain and she held back her tears as she buried her fa c e against my neck . "I know. I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry"

And we held each other that way. Both of us tucked away at the crooks of each other's neck, holding each other up , while the rest of the party knew nothing of the 2 girls hiding in the bathroom just for a simple hug.

-3am

Dont pull on the noose, my halo's slipping down

This

trust me, i whispered to you
as i gently kissed your lips
a raspy promise for utter pleasure
as i slipped my tongue within

trust me , i whispered in your ears
as i gently nipped your earlobe
a shiver and a whimper hit my soul
as you grew limp, anticipating more

hold still, i say to you
as i stepped back and unbuttoned your shirt
and we both watched the material fall off
reveling in a beauty so pure

i gently ran a finger down your throat
over your beating heart and chest
and we watched and paused
as we both took in a sharp breath

Feel, i hushed to you
as you moaned out my name
and gently i flickered a tongue over your nipple
as you trembled and held my frame

watch, i uttered in a throaty growl
as i played and twisted your nipples to my satisfaction
hardened peaks of utter desire
aphrodite had blessed my partner

Now look , i plead to you
as i gently go down on my knees
smelling your arousal for my touch
i smile as i gently kiss your clit

you curse out my name in a hiss
as i taste all of you
relentlessly, mercilessly, i take all
for i seem to crave all of you

Come, i command harshly
as you beg and plead to let you release
with a final pump and a final lick
you give me what i need

and as i gently ease you down to my lap
and cradle your head in my arms
i gently trace all these parts of you
speechless at what i had experienced in hand

i love you, i slowly murmured
as i gently held your face
the smile you gave me thereafter
is still burnt into my head

a smile so sweet, and so pure
of love , adoration, and utter bliss
your eyes were half closed in contentment
only a mad man would dare dismiss

I love you, you whispered back
as you gently put a hand over my heart
and right there in front of you
i realized this was it, i never ever,  wanted to go back


-3am

First crush

"I'll beat you" he grinned, slowly unzipping his racket out of its carrier .
I stood still, leaning against the net post while I watched him, unfazed by his statement .
He looked around with me as everyone slowly settled into the bleachers , and at the referee, also known as coach Jonas , our sports teacher settle himself on the high chair .

"And here we have the final match of the day , between Goft and Sumi. Both won all their previous matches with a clean score , with Sumi beating them on an average 21-16 and Goft at 21-12".

I twirled my racket around in my hand, slowly getting used to the lightweight grip rubbing against my hand. Then I sized him up. Tall, lanky, and too confident.  He would tire easily .

"Alright step into the court for a warm up"

At this point, a hush went through the entire gym as everyone looked at us. It wasn't everyday that the best of the best competited, Especially badminton, a sport i had held the title for being vicious at, for I was an expert with wrist flicked smashes.

Warm up ensued for 5 minutes , where we lazily hit the shuttle back and forth without giving away much of our skills. Though it was clear he did have stamina when he dived in mere seconds at a smash just beyond his net. That meant he was agile. That wasn't in my favor.

"Alright get ready , position in service courts, Rally, serve!" And with a grin , I served my shot, and unlike the high passes during warm up, this whizzed through and hit him straight on his chest, startling him .

"Sumi wins the rally. Choose your side, and start the game!" A wild cheer went from the bleachers , with my friends hollering my name and jumping up and down , while he scowled.

.......

I couldn't breathe properly . It was the 3rd match in a row. And after drawing the 2 other consecutive ones in a deuce, the coach kept ordering a rematch. We were both too stubborn, too competitive to not win , and right now , luck wasn't on my side. With him winning at 18-12, I couldn't let him have the victory especially since I had matched him blow by blow for the other 2 matches. 

"Break" I gasped,  as I collapsed on one knee. My legs were trembling.  He had figured out that I wasn't a good runner , but more of a power shooter, so having made me run around the court had given him the advantage to use my stamina. In turn, his left wrist was hanging limp , with his right slightly trembling as he rested the racket against his legs. There was a reason why I was named vicious on court. And he seemed to be experiencing it first hand , ever since I had smashed the shuttle so hard against his left the entire court heard the crack on his wrist. But he refused to give up and let me win, not even to check his wrist . 

His best friend shook his head at us, as we both returned to the court and took positions . Even the coach was tired of us.

Clearing his throat,  Goft looked at me, then at my trembling knees , and smirked . " we both know ill win,  why are you trying?"
With that, anger rushed through me at his arrogance and I glared at him. "Because I don't give up, and if I have to break both your wrists,  why miss the chance ?"

He laughed slightly and looked at me, cocking His head. "Alright. Let's have a deal. If i win, youre doing my science homework.  And if you win, I'll do anything for you in turn" I considered this,  then smiled back. "Food. I want kapaw Kai . Extra meat. And a drink. Lunch "

Everyone laughed at the bleachers as he flashed his braces. "Done"

"And question 24 , was Galileo." I murmured as he did his homework. 

That's right
I won

And guess who was stuck doing his homework while I ate delicious food. That's right , Goft.

And the wasn't the win miraculous . With a 23-22 defeat , which ended with me pushing everyone away as even the people that were just classmates not friends , tried hugging me. I hate people . His best friend even gave me a nod of respect . And him?

He walked over, shook my hand and told me to meet him at the canteen,  keeping true to his promise.

And that was the day i caught the attention of a boy names Goft,  who was too damn tall , with neon glow in the dark braces , and the only one in the entire grade who could match me in any sport.

And that was the day i realized i may have harbored a tiny crush on this stubborn, easy to please guy. 

-3am

Sinew

I am in love with you to the point where im speechless
No words are needed
Nor can they prescribe
Well
I cant even fathom trying to explain this ache
It is a good ache
But painful nevertheless
Its in the center of my being
Right in between my chest
Its a ache that has nestled itself within sinew and bone
And made itself home
Its love
And im in love with you