Smiling is my life
Writing is my passion
Reading is my escape

-3A.M

list of things to be thankful for

1. Having enough money to survive in melbourne as things are ridiculously expensive compared to the Asian countries I have been living in. 
2. Having friends 
3. Having a childhood friend for over 13 years now and still keeping in touch and still being able to talk to her 
4. Having Kat in my life to show me the strings of living in melbourne though I've been here for a couple of years 
5. Having sleepovers at her house. I feel special. I never got that much attention 
6. I believe that their is just one single god and that's who I pray to in my mind. 
7. I can make friends easily if needed
8. I'm learning to smile again for a reason 
9. I am learning to love myself
10. I love my family 

no place

How does it feel
To take a step back
All alone
With no place to call home?

How do you cope
With forgotten memories
At the back of your mind
Unwilling to be found?

Yet how does it feel
When you look around
And when you're down
There's no place to go

strings

And the fragile strings that had pieced her mind all snapped together as i heard her break down on the phone.
And it was one of the most scariest moments of my life.
I wanted to hurt those who hurted her
I wanted to hold her and protect her from the depths of her mind and the words of others
I wanted to cry along with her instead of just on the phone

And god I wanted to be there

She mumbled incoherent words as i saw nothing but red and panic

Each tremor, each break of her voice, added to my guilt of not protecting her
not being a friend
And i was frozen
As seconds turned to minutes then hours

And all I could hear was her voice replaying the most darkest thoughts anyone could have
And the urge to ask her to live with me was too much
Too great.

And when she hanged her phone on me after we both released our emotions
I could almost see her trying to tie her strings of sanity back again with her mind
But i could sense it
Some of the strings were permanently damaged
And one day there will be a day
Where she will break down in such a way

And god forbid
If I'm not there

I don't know what will happen
But god damn im worried

I know the feeling of free falling
When everything that's holding you in place snaps
and all you see is darkness


I want to protect her god

I want to be a good friend.





-3A.M

a blind homeless

whenever im on my way home I pass countless people begging out in the streets for money, for food, or showcasing their talents to attract attention and earn a living. There are various ways to do it indeed. But what people don't understand is this is a legit job for most of them. There are actually some who really are much more needy than the others. But people dismiss the homeless thinking them to be fake.

It honestly doesn't hurt to spare change of your own pay slip to someone in need

Today I met a blind homeless. As I was passing by I checked my wallet for any notes. Coins would be a preference but he needed money and looked like it with his unkempt hygiene and hair. So as i bent sown and lightly touched his hand to slip my 20 dollar note in, slightly whispering to him what I'm doing so he wouldn't be startled, he grabbed on to my hand with shaking bony fingers.
I was a bit startled and i was about to pull away when I looked into his eyes and realized he's blind. I had met enough patients in the hospital to understand the glazed look over the eyes staring into nothing, but this time he had tears. A man who couldn't see, could somehow sense me helping him. He turned his face towards mine, as a gasp left my lips, and he whispered thank you so many times. That's when I realized he hadn't eaten.
Compassion filled me when I realized I had food. I usually bring food home for my brother from my workplace but this time someone else needed it more
So i took out the bag of food, that had 2 sandwiches and placed a bottle of water next to his feet,making sure he could sense it so he wouldn't throw it away.

Doing so, the blind homeless had tears brimming from his eyes. And as i smiles softly and made a move to get up and walk away, he looked up at my direction one last time and said "No matter how many problems you face you blessed soul, I hope, no i know you will overcome. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank..." at this point, his words were incohorrent as his gratitude at my little act of kindness washed over him. I squeezed his hand one last time and smiled and started to walk away, when a lady approached me and said "that was nice of you ". I looked back at the man who was feeling around the sandwich and taking huge bites of it, and looked back at her and said "he needed it more than me. "



And the fact that I helped someone just washed away all my tiredness. I work for every cent, and make sure I support myself as much as possible,needing to be independent. And sometimes, giving it away to those in need helps you in turn too.


Give more. Relive the experience of compassion and love. Because no other feeling in the world can compare to what it feels like when you know you saved someone and possibly helped them to live another day.
You never know



With so much love,

-3A.M

dreams

Dreams last only a night, yet why do we imagine it to last forever?

cysts

What is it?
She asked me, putting an arm around my shoulders. I slumped over and grit my teeth, trying to ignore the spasms of pain circulating from my midriff. She had no idea, no idea how painful it was to even stand and work, with the countless customers ordering their coffees and sandwiches and looking at me weirdly when I kept biting my lips to stop myself from groaning in pain. I looked at her, the concern etched in her face, but her eyes darting around at the customers waiting for their meals. I shook myself off her arms and kept working wordlessly, knowing customers always came first before anything.

While on the inside it felt like I was being ripped apart to shreds